Friday, March 29, 2013

40 Days of Gratefulness - Day 39

When I tell you, I've never been so pumped for Good Friday. In fact, I just started my day with 6 AM prayer, I'm going to lay down for second sleep and it's going to be fabulous. I mean today, I have planned, not 1 but 2 church services. Both services are 7 last words by 7 women and I'm taking my roomie (Day 23) who is a 7 words by 7 women virgin ;-) I typically go every year, I love it and I know she's going to love it too. I try to eat a good breakfast, for having noon day service w/7 preachers could take a minute although it's time well spent. I usually try to fit in another activity, like I actually have time. Last year, it was off to get a pedicure, I drove with the heat blasting trying to dry my toes before service. The year before that I stopped by the hospital, a friend's fiance was there. He didn't make it but he was saved and changed her life so profoundly, and she is still grateful for their time together.

This year as usual, I will have a good breakfast and I will take snacks ;-) And while every year, I love Good Friday, I am particularly excited that for 39 days the Lord would bless me with 39 specific reasons to be grateful for and give license to share my story as honestly as I could. Was it hard someone asked? If you had asked me that at Day 3, I would have said yes but that was only because I was attempting to institutionalize it. LOL That simply means I was trying to color inside the lines. But once I let go, about Day 4 or Day 5, it was all good. There were days when I didn't have any idea what I would share just one minute before I sat at this keyboard. I've even had a few bad days although my good days outweigh my bad and I have even have proof (Day 32). I've been grateful for a gazillion random events (Day 27), surprises (Day 21),  my bike (Day 18), my church (Day 35), home (Day 17), and for being comfortable with the uncomfortable (Day 29), which is hilarious.

And while it feels good to know that I'm actually going to bring this thing home, it's bittersweet because I'm going to miss this here blog because for a while it's been my friend and confidant. It's been my safe place to share. REALLY, who puts all their business on the Internet and it feels safe. LOL Deneen's (Day 7) mom would have a fit. ;-) I'm feeling safe because I've trying to live fearlessly (Day 36). It's been liberating, I feel so alive, I could pounce, where are my favorite Nike boots? I'll save my biggest lesson I've learned for tomorrow but there's so much I've learned about myself. I've discovered that I like writing, who knew? I just started journaling right before Christmas, here's an excerpt from my first journal entry on 12/21/12.
This has been an incredible year and I've so many things to be thankful for - primarily my deliverance (I'm healed) while things seem the same on the surface - I feel so different. More in tune with me and recognizing that I'm good at loving folks!
Not bad for a first entry. It seems like back in December I knew something was different. But I could have never predicted where I'd end up. The idea that I changed someone's life besides my own simply by sharing my story - blows my mind. If I blessed just one person besides myself then it's all been worth it. You see,  I only started this gratefulness thing because I wanted to make me better, make me more joyful, make me more appreciative, make me more loving, make me more fearless and make me more me. And what I've learned is that it has helped some of you feel the same - ooh, it fills my heart like you wouldn't understand.

Just yesterday, several folks emailed me saying they had no idea it was so good, that it moved them, that it encouraged them, that it even blessed them. That made me smile because I prayed that it would be. I prayed that it would be edifying, uplifting and inspirational. I prayed that at the end of this journey, I would discover what joy was all about and that I would get to eat from it's cupboard. I prayed that I would be different in my countenance and my demeanor. I prayed that I would learn to ease into things and not go in with guns blazing. I prayed for faith, for being still and for getting out of my own way. I even prayed for you.

I learned that I have time to serve. I learned that I have something to offer. I learned that I like me. I learned that He can use even me. I learned that I have something to say and a new medium in which to say it. I learned that he has put people along my path for a specific purpose and I've learned to trust Him more. 

So on this Day 39 of 40 days of gratefulness, I am grateful for learning more ... about me. #beblessed #40daysofgratefulness

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