Saturday, February 13, 2016

40 Days of Gratefulness - Day 53

Hello, my friend. It's been quite some time since we've last connected and I must admit it's been me procrastinating, putting it off, wondering if I had anything of substance to share or perhaps I simply forgot. I forgot that this here putting my thoughts to paper helps me to be more grateful. The silly things we tell or un-tell ourselves.

I mean how many times have we sworn off a certain gentleman (don't judge me)? Or the mall, sugar, drinking - you get where I'm going with this. How often have we sworn to work out, get organized, be more patient, spend some quality time with our spouse or start being 'on time.' And, we really mean it when we say it, until we conveniently forget. It could be the next time he calls or texts ... or when the Nordstrom catalog comes in the mail or those moments when we easily convince ourselves we can drive 30 miles in rush hour traffic on Friday in 15 minutes. Oh, yeah, we forget stuff all the time.

For me, forgetting feels a lot like falling down. You know, my forgetting things always seems to trip me up. Just last summer, I fell down on my beloved bike. Now, when I fell down - I didn't hurt myself too much but I was beyond angry. I thought, I could count on my beloved B (that's what I affectionately call my bike). I mean he's never had a flat. How could he let me down? Was I not good to this joker? Riding him all over the place, taking him on fun-filled adventures on beautiful sunny afternoons while we listen to Pandora. Note to self: I must get a boyfriend very soon - I digress.

At least that was my first thought, but I fell down because I had borrowed  a gigantic backpack, overstuffed it and decided to ride my bike while wearing it. I suspect my traveling down that hill at some 18+ mph, leaning as I hit the curve with that backpack strapped to my back had something to do with me losing my balance and falling down. Nope, I forgot that - all I remembered was falling down and this chick right here doesn't take falling down lightly.

Looking back, I recognized the only person who had borrowed this gigantic backpack, stuffed it until it burdened and weighed me down was me, woo saa. There was no one to blame but me. That relationship I continue to grieve, that money I used to make, those infrequent visits to my mom in that nursing home - all things that had me feeling like I was falling down and forgetting how very blessed I am.

I forgot that revisiting that bad situation, getting in touch with pasts hurt, disappointment, shame; belaboring the past just like that gigantic backpack -- all weigh me down. I forgot that the devil doesn't have to bother tripping me up - I do it all by myself. I forgot that I'm in good health, that I can still afford to pay for this roof over my head and keep food in these cupboards. I forgot that I have a favorite cozy chair (look at Karamel pretending to be me) where I rest on pillows embroidered with phrases like "Love & Peace" and "Forever Friends."

this lil' boot
I forgot that I try to place a little bit of whimsy in every room in my home. It's supposed to remind me that life is really about the little things we so often take for granted ... ahh, but I forgot. I forgot how looking at this little boot, makes me smile I bought it several years ago but there was only one boot in the box when I opened itp at home. But it was too cute to throw it away so I set it up front and center in my living room. Oh, how could I forget? That boot continues to makes me smile but now it conjures up time spent with a good girlfriend's daughter, she bothers that little boot each time she's over here. And even though she destroys my house each and every time she's over here, I keep letting her back, because I forget.

I forgot that there's a lesson in each and every experience. I forgot the importance of being intentional about those activities and relationships that are most dear to me. I forgot that life challenges - bankruptcy, foreclosure, divorce, illness, and chick-fil-a running out of fries  #&@)!@#  can easily change the course of our day, our week and our lives, if we're not careful. I forgot that this simple exercise of being grateful will always fill that space between experience and expectation.

So on this Day 53 of 40 days of gratefulness, I'm grateful for forgetting.